Back to Palo Alto

We had a doctor appt. scheduled for Brennan in Palo Alto for a check-up from his October surgery. With our recent family loss, I was very thankful to be able to go on this trip. It was nice to pack up and get away for a couple days and Joel and I were able to spend some quality one-on-one time with B. His doctor appt. was for a hearing test and cleaning of his ear canal. We decided to go up north and see the doctor who did the surgery because we have been very concerned about the size of his ear canal, hoping that it wasn't getting too small. The doctor was very pleased with his hearing test (improved from December) and he said his ear canal and ear drum look great! We are so relieved!

I am so thankful!!! A lot has happened in the past 7 months (B's 2 surgeries, Joel's broken leg in the midst of it all, Joel's dad's diagnosis and struggle with ALS, and our loss of a pregnancy) and I am constantly reminded about God's goodness in my life... especially when I am with my precious kiddos!
Pictures of our "special trip" with B...

Brennan's doctor appt... getting ready for his hearing test

Putting on the ear phones

Putting on the bone conduction device

Tools used to clean out B's ear canal

And the cleaning begins... he was such a good boy!

B and Doctor Roberson

Group shot!!! B will need his ear canal cleaned at least 2 times a year. We will be able to do that with an audiologist at Cedars in LA... much closer to home! Unless we have issues with B's ear, we won't need to go back up north for Dr. visits :) Bitter-sweet because we love Dr. Roberson... the drive is just too much though :)

At the hotel... B loved his roll-away bed!

Praying with Daddy

Reading a book before bed

Playing at a park near Stanford

Had to visit the local frozen yogurt store of course!

B's favorite thing to do! We surprised him with some miniature golf (the golf store, as B calls it :)

AND... B is now the proud owner of our little camera, so he was having a blast taking pictures of our trip... here is our trip seen through Brennan's eyes...

He's not too bad with the camera. Who knows, maybe he will have a blog of his own soon :)

Thanks for Praying!

Yesterday was an emotional day but it went okay. I won't go into details about the procedure, but I went in at 12:30 and they put an IV in my arm and prepped me for surgery at 2:00 Joel was able to stay with me the whole time until they wheeled me away. The anesthesiologist put something in my IV that made me really sleepy and I think I remember a gas mask being placed over my nose and... 30 minutes later, which felt like a blink of an eye, I woke up in the recovery room and Joel got to come in and be with me for an hour until I was able to leave.
I went home and relaxed on the couch with the company of my adorable kiddos... which distracted me a bit. I was very crampy throughout the night but I have felt great today. I am making myself take it easy, though it's hard to do. 4 weeks of bed rest has made me anxious to get back to my normal activities. I can start exercising in a week, which will literally start with a small walk, as I am very out of shape now :)
Physically, I'm exhausted and my body aches from non-activity. Emotionally, I am doing okay. I have my moments when I sit and try and process the past 5 weeks. It was obviously meant to be, it's just so sad to loose a child, even one that my body only held for about 10 weeks. I explained to Brennan what had happened and told him that the baby is now with Jesus in heaven. He was very excited to see the baby in heaven one day... and of course play his drums in heaven too... oh, the mind of a 4 year old!
I have received many encouraging notes, texts, facebook messages... from so many people and many sharing their similar stories with loss as well. It has also helped me through this time.
Thank you for your prayers! I can't say that enough!
My friend texted me this verse yesterday morning and I focused on it throughout pre-op...

"Worthy are You our Lord and Our God to receive glory and honor and power for You created all things and because of You they existed and were created." Rev. 4:11

Last Ultrasound

We had our doctor appt. today and our "little fighter" had no heartbeat. It was so sad to see the little baby in the sac, just so still. I would have been almost 10 weeks along. The baby was measuring small and the doctor said the baby's spine looked swollen, which could have meant that the baby had issues.
I am doing okay right now. I had my good crying moment in the doctors office after we found out the news. We were able to wait in the room while the doctor's office scheduled a procedure for me.
We then went to the hospital to sign pre-op papers and to get my pre-op blood work done.
Tomorrow, I will be going to the outpatient center next to our hospital. The procedure is scheduled for 2:00pm. We have to go in at 12:30 for prep. It's a quick procedure but I have to be put under for it. I will probably be in recovery for an hour or 2 and then released to go home. I can't eat or drink anything after 6am tomorrow... ugh

So, of course there are many emotions going on with me. I am doing okay though. I had my time to grieve and will probably have more moments ahead. But, when I look into my kiddos faces, I feel so incredibly blessed to be a mommy of 2 such wonderful angels. I know God had my whole journey with this little one planned and wanted me to go through this, it's just hard going through it at the moment. It was hard to go through the pregnancy symptoms, weight gain, bed rest and not exercising, laying around and not being able to play with my kiddos, not clean the house, unable to do the usual things I'm used to, tons of bloodwork, 5 doctors appts. and ultrasounds... and see that it all ended up to this. My faith has been tested in the past 7 months and even more recently, but I'm fully confident that God is love and has us going through everything for a reason.
And I do look forward to seeing our little one in heaven one day!

AMAZING!!!

It's been 3 months and Brennan's ear looks AMAZING! I keep saying that at every stage because it is just so AMAZING how it keeps looking. Here is a trip down memory lane... then how B's ear looks currently, at 3 months post-op...

Before any surgeries... I kind of miss his "little ear"

A couple months after his first surgery in October (Atresia Repair Surgery/ Dr. created an ear canal and ear drum)

1 week after his Medpor surgery in March... like I said..."AMAZING"

2 weeks after surgery

3 weeks after surgery (developed a rash on his face from some tape I applied, and a bacteria was developing on his ear so we started using a steroid cream)

1 month after surgery (still treating the rash on his face with cream)

4 1/2 weeks after surgery... rash almost gone on face and bacteria gone on ear!

7 weeks after surgery... AMAZING!!!

AND... NOW... 3 months after surgery... AMAZING!!!...

And here are some different views...

Such a cutie!

If you have been following my blog, maybe you notice that his "new/special" ear isn't sticking out as much. The swelling has gone down a lot and it has come in a bit more.

Back view

side/front view

side/back view

his right ear... just to show both

and his "new/special" ear

another view... they do this one at the dr.'s when they take pictures of the patients, so I thought I'd give it a try too

And the silly shot

As you can tell, I'm amazed at the healing of his new ear! Hope you enjoyed the pictures. Of course, I'll be taking more pictures of his very special ear as it heals even more. Thank you again for sharing in this AMAZING adventure with us!

And thank you for your prayers for our new journey as well!!!